When I first encountered Avatar I was a self confident successful businessman. I had a big job with big rewards and a big ego to match.
Something happened when I became involved with Avatar. My business success seemed selfish and I was sucked in to believing in a bigger goal, one where I chose to commit myself to service to others and their potential enlightenment.
I was seduced (not sexually) by my Master and other Masters and I traded in my business success for something I believed more meaningful and made Avatar my life’s work.
The cost was lost hours, lost relationships, loss of self and lost dollars as I slaved away to help people on the path of enlightenment that Avatar offered.
I processed myself to death using Avatar run downs and tried to get rid of who I was to become a more worthy Master.
My psyche was systematically broken down using the Avatar tools and by being “on course” and on the path for 8 years.
The damage has been permanent. I disintegrated rather than integrated and so severely that I don’t remember unless prompted by others the good things that I did in my life Pre Avatar. My beliefs somehow became that Pre Avatar I was a bad person, egotistical and self serving and to be truly on the path I needed to discreate all the identities and personality traits that would get in the way of me being truly in service to others. I feel like an empty shell compared to who I once was.
The submission to the Avatar path and my place in it was total. Don’t get me wrong I kicked and fought along the way but the belief that I needed to erase the bad parts of who I was and become a loyal follower always was in the back of my mind.
I take responsibility for my own part in it. My desire to succeed made me take the processing and punishments dished out to an extreme level. If someone was going to provide Harry 5 new Avatars to pay for a transgression I would promise 15. It was go big or go home.
Perhaps this belief of “I am not good, but I’d like to improve who I am and make a difference” is at the core of every person who embarks on a personal development journey and is what makes us susceptible to the cult leaders who appear to offer a path to improvement and a chance to be part of something bigger, something noble, something transcendent.
There are two things in my life where I made choices that could have truly impacted my life in a major way. The first was to do Avatar which has affected me psychologically and had a major impact financially, then second was to invest half of my net worth in a Ponzi scheme with a crook I met on an Avatar Course.
Fortunately I backed out of the investment in the Ponzi scheme at the last minute which would have truly ruined me financially.
Sadly the Avatar investment I made in myself has negatively impacted not only me but also my family.
In addition to spending the tens of thousands of dollars in attending all the courses and interning constantly I have also had medical expenses as a result of the damage to my psyche and the treatment required to rehabilitate me back to some sort of a functioning human being.
More than a decade on I still suffer from limited capacity to do the things I used to be able to do without effort but I am happy and well which I certainly wasn’t in Avatar.
I am extremely fortunate that my earlier life choices (Pre Avatar) have meant that I don’t have to worry about how to pay my bills even though my earning potential pretty much disappeared post Avatar. I have taken a decade to get comfortable with the waste of a career and lost potential income if I had been able to stay in business. After getting over the loss I now wake up every day grateful for what I have rather than disappointed or resentful for what I have lost.
Today I watched “The Vow” a TV series regarding Keith Raniere and his cult NXIVM. I was struck by the similarities between it and Avatar. Not for the sexual slavery he created but by the similarities between what he did to build his cult and what Harry and L.Ron Hubbard did to create theirs.
I was inspired by the efforts of the people in the organization to bring him to account when they finally realized what they were involved in and what they were perpetuating.
Keith had practically unlimited resources to bring against former devotees who left and tried to expose him and the attack of “suppressive persons” is something that Avatar, Scientology and NXIVM all have in common.
Ultimately the abusive behavior of these cult leaders will be exposed and they will be bought to account. Have fun in prison Keith.
Avatar devotees will be familiar with Harry and Avra’s Karma points. I think that Harry does not see himself as an evil person but I do believe that a Karma points reckoning is in his future and if there is any justice in the world he will have to account for the Karma points he gave out but also the negative Karma points he created through the years of exploitation and hardship his loyal followers experience.
I don’t believe in past lives or even future ones but If Harry and Avra were to come back in future lives based on their deeds in this one they would undoubtedly come back as an ass and a snake.
This post is dedicated to a person who I very much admire. It’s for you Rachel. wink wink.